In Memory

Several weeks ago we attended a VNA (Visiting Nurse Association) Memorial Service for all their patients who had passed away during the previous six months. It was a beautiful service. The music was awesome. The women who sang had the most wonderful voice, almost angelic. The grief counselor that I have been seeing was one of the speakers. It was her first time speaking at one of these services (they hold two a year). Her mom had passed away some months earlier and she talked about her experience. It was easy to see why she is able to relate to families who have gone through this. They read all of the names of their patients who had passed, somewhere around one hundred. Then at the end of the service, they asked us to remain seated. Two women came down the aisle with a bowl of small rocks. Every person attending the service could take a rock to keep with them in memory of their loved one. I picked out one that was turquoise. After the service they had refreshments and at that time we were able to visit with Dr. S. He is the Medical Director for the Omaha VNA. I can't even begin to tell you what an amazing doctor he is. We were so fortunate to have him help us through Christine's final days. I truly believe that this is his calling.
I was amazed at how many VNA employees there were and really surprised at the number of volunteers. They have volunteers who will make a bear out of clothing that belonged to your loved one. I knew right away that Christine has a sweater set that she wore all the time. Two days ago, I finally found it when I was going through some of her things. The grief counselor tells me that these bears are really nice. What a wonderful thing it is that these volunteers do.
Our church also had a Memorial Service a few days later. We walked into church with candles as they were reading off the names of anyone who requested that their loved one be included and had passed away during the past year. This also was a very nice service. It's a wonderful thing for the families to be acknowledged in this way, even though it was difficult.
By the way, I lost my rock only a few days later the Memorial Service. I can imagine what Christine would have said about that!! I put my car keys in my pocket where the rock was and it must have fallen out when I took my keys out. However, the next day I was going through some of Christine's things and quess what! I found some rocks! So I figure these are even more personal. When Christine was 18 months old, we moved from Anchorage to Oklahoma City. We flew to Seattle and picked up our vehicle and then drove to Oklahoma. That is a long drive especially for a child. Everytime we stopped Christine picked up rocks. We finally had to limit the number of rocks she could pick up at each stop because these weren't always tiny rocks. By the time we got to Oklahoma City the entire floor in the back seat was covered with rocks.
So Thanksgiving is just a few days away. I am thankful that we had 32 wonderful years with Christine and that she is no longer suffering. Christine hadn't been home for Thanksgiving since she moved to California. Nevertheless, it will be hard. One day at at time.

Jan
Christine's mom

They say time heals all wounds

I haven't looked at Christine's blog in a while. We are pretty much taking it one day at a time. I have had one session with a grief counselor. She gave me several suggestions that I am considering.

We have heard from so many people. I can't even begin to tell you how wonderful it has been to hear how they met Christine or how they followed her blog or went to classes with her, etc , etc. I know for me, it has helped tremendously. We knew that she had reached out to a lot of people but we had no idea what an impact she had made in people's lives. She had a lot of support from her friends and family. After she passed away, we found out that she had been much sicker for longer than we had realized. She kept some things from us because she worried about us. She knew the cancer had returned long before she told us. In fact, she told her friends while she was in the hospital that she worried about her mom. I told her so many times that I would be okay but it didn't stop her. I guess she just wanted to protect me.

I miss talking to her. We spent a lot of time on the phone. She was my "go to" person. I was always asking her stuff, like how do I do this on the computer or would I like that movie or what is that ingredient? I still think occasionally "I have to remember to tell Christine that" and then it hits me.

The holidays are coming up so quickly. I am rather nervous about that. Christine and I love Christmas. We had already been making plans before she passed away. That might seem a little earlier but not for us. We would start e-mailing each other on January 25 to see who could be the first to say only 11 months till Christmas and this went on every month all year long. I am going to try to follow through with those plans. I guess I have to celebrate for both of us.

Jan

Christine's Mom

Remembering Christine

Thank you for all your kind words. It means so much to me and my family. We love hearing about how or where you met Christine. We have recieved so many e-mails and cards from people we don't know. It has been so heartwarming to know that so many people cared about her. Please feel free to share you memories with us. We would love that!!!

Jan
Christine's Mom

The End of One Journey and the Beginning of the Next

Christine passed away on July 18, 2009. She had moved home to Nebraska on July 1. She went to the emergency room at the University of Nebraska Medical Center on the evening on July 2 and was in surgery at 4 AM on July 3. The doctors did exploratory surgery. They were looking for a hole in her colon or stomach because of the bloating in her abdomen but failed to find one. She did well for the next couple of days but then the bloating started again. They did exploratory surgery again on the evening of July 10 and discovered that she had a massive amount of cancer in colon and on her liver. The cancer was very aggressive and we were told that there was nothing they could do for her. The doctor said she didn't have much time. We started Hospice in the hospital on July 13 and went to the Hospice House in Omaha on July 17. She passed away quietly the next morning at 7:56 AM.

I am planning to continue to write on this site for a while but I need some time to collect my thoughts.

Thank you to everyone who has supported and prayed for Christine over these last four years.

Jan,
Christine's Mom

I Hate Xeloda

I haven't posted in a long time. I have a lot of reasons and I truly have intended too, but, you know, the road to hell is paved with good intentions. Well, I'm back now and I may be making a few changes to this blog in the next few weeks and I should be ready to unveil my new website by the end of the year!

Health update: I've felt great the past few days, but I have been on chemotherapy since July. This time I've been taking Xeloda with Avastin. Xeloda has been very trying. It makes me sick to my stomach, takes away my appetite, and gives me horrible headaches. I had a PET/CT scan on Wednesday and I will get my results on Monday. I'll find out then whether it's been working or not. In the last two scans, the only evidence of cancer was in a few swollen lymph nodes.

School and advocacy work have been keeping me busy. I was named to the C3 Grassroots Action Committee which I am very excited about. I'll be going to C3's Call On Congress at the end of March (and then on to a vacation in Savannah, GA).

Finals are next week so I have some studying to do.